When Two Become Two

When Two Become Two

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untitled-1   30 For 30 Challenge, Day 29

How classy are high-waisted black cigarette jeans paired with stilettos. If I was a cartoon character, this would be a top contender for my uniform. However, I adore white way to much to marry black for forever.

Happy Friday everyone! It’s finally here, huzzah! B is doing the Seattle to Portland bike ride tomorrow and we. are. pumped. One of the best choices we’ve ever made was to have separate hobbies from one another. When we got married, it was assumed that two would become one, or we would lose our individuality and become one person sharing the same interests and hobbies and spending all of our time together. For a few years I genuinely thought this was our goal, that we would eventually, come 35 years of marriage later, share the same brain and finally find marital bliss.

And then we joined a small group at our church for newlyweds. The group kind of sucked, it would always evolve into a session of one person complaining about their spouse and then laughing like it was a funny joke and not completely awkward or embarrassing. (Sidebar! How do small groups so often turn into therapy sessions? More people need to go to therapy because all their feelings and problems are right on the cusp and explode when a situation mirages a green light. Therapy is the shit and you should go.) So the group sucked but the book. Oh. The book.

It was the first time I had hear of Gottman. Who’s that you say? Oh, allow me to change your life forever. We read The Seven Principles for Making A Marriage Work but you can go ahead and replace the word marriage with the word relationship. Through this book we found that marriages and relationships thrive when the two involved remain individuals and celebrate what makes them different and embrace the differences of each other. When I read this for the first time, I started crying. I felt a rush of relief envelope me. I didn’t have to silence or suppress certain characteristics or hobbies that were different from B. Quite the opposite was now true. I’ve never looked back since. I watch MST3K with some movie theater butter popcorn. I drink pumpkin spice hard cider at bars. I make gingerbread cookies knowing I get to eat them all. I chased after my dreams of teaching yoga. I found freedom in unapologetically celebrating what makes me, me. I felt a newfound love for this amazing and unique individual I was living with. We were no longer obligated to morph and contort ourselves but to respect each other’s differences and to celebrate and love what makes us unique.

This brings us back to Brooks and his amazing and brave attempt to ride over 200 miles on his bike from Seattle, Washington to Portland, Oregon this weekend. I love seeing him so happy as he chasing a newfound passion and the nicely sculpted derrière ain’t bad either.

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