Enjoy But Not Desire

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There’s this feeling. It’s when I walk into a store and see something and completely fall in love with it. Yet, I don’t want it. And if you bought it for me for Christmas, I would probably return it. No offense, future you. I love you and all but you remember how small our place is, right? I can’t keep holding on to extremely thoughtful gifts if I didn’t really want it in the first place? So, we cool? Coo.

This feeling confuses me too. It’s conflicting to love something, to appreciate it, but not feel the need to have it in your life or to glance over and see it on your kitchen wall. I don’t really understand it either. Is there a word for it? 

Through my process of trying to create a “perfect wardrobe” (for the sole purpose of never having to shop again, ever) I found myself feeling this more and more. I started with seeing a picture of someone and really loving their outfit. I would buy said outfit, or something similar, and then I wouldn’t wear it. Ever. With each closet purge, I started to realize what I was doing and how much money I was wasting. I’ve touched on this a bit before. I’ve come to realize that there’s not really an essentials list for your wardrobe. Slowly, I became aware of when I saw something and didn’t actually want it, but really thought it was beautiful or well done.

It’s possible to see something and appreciate and enjoy it’s beauty and then leave it there. My shopping guide now is only this rule: If I see a sweater I love and don’t consider stealing it, I let it be. Don’t worry, I’ve never stolen. A sweater. Just kidding, I’ve only ever stolen an eraser from the book fair when I was twelve. What I’m talking about is that feeling of seeing something and thinking, “shit. I need this,” or “I could totally go into debt for this.” And without Brooks, I would be in so much debt because of this feeling.

The best part of becoming aware of this was that I stopped investing in things that didn’t move me. I found that I wanted a closet of clothes that I was happy to look at in the morning. They didn’t produce an exasperated feeling that I had nothing to wear. My closet was three times the size it is now and I remember feeling that I had nothing to wear. Now my struggle is deciding which piece I want to wear because I want to wear them both. Last night I had three different options and I couldn’t decide because I wanted to wear all of them. I went with the cardigan I tried on three times before I bought it because I knew I loved it but I didn’t know how much. After the third time I realized there was a reason why I tried it on THREE TIMES. JUST SO YOU KNOW, I TOTALLY GOT TWO COMPLIMENTS LAST NIGHT ON IT. Damn you, caps lock. Or was I just really excited that I got two compliments? You decide.

Why would I let someone tell me what to wear? YOU DON’T KNOW ME! I’m shrouded in mystery and I can’t be solved. We can agree that someone else looks amazing in an outfit. Why should that agreement lead to my having to have that outfit? I think that we’ll find happy wardrobes when we let go of any expectations and any essentials lists and fully embrace who we are. What makes you happy? When’s the last time you found a piece of clothing and just thought, “shit yes” ? *

*Disclaimer: This process is a slow one. Sure, checking off a wardrobe essentials list would be easier, and kind of fun because we all love accomplishing things, right? But where will it lead you? What will you be left with? A closet full of clothes someone else told you you had to buy. All this to say that I started this blog with the intentions of helping people put together outfits. Through this I’ve found an awareness of who I am, what really makes me happy, and what I actually want to wear. Who am I to tell you what you should wear?

 


 

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This January I’ve done a lot of soul searching (drinking tequila and making lists). I’ve always been in love with decorating interiors and appreciating the creativity of making a place yours. I collected my mom’s old Pottery Barn magazines, would circle what I wanted in my “home” (who does this at five years old?), and then would revel in my imaginary home full of these beautiful pieces of furniture and my wonderful curated collection. I decided to transition this blog towards documenting the process of making our new apartment a home.

I’m very excited about this transition and about sharing this journey with you. Talk soon.

K

 

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