I have been procrastinating my homework for three hours now. I’ve looked at magazines and created wishlists, pleaded with Instagram to provide something worth procrastinating for, went over our new budget with our new incomes, ate even though i wasn’t hungry, and tried to sleep. I’ve picked up the book a few times and looked at it. I just feel so stale. I think it’s just tired. I think I’m just really sleepy but I feel really anxious because I know I have so much to do and I feel behind knowing how incredibly busy tomorrow is going to be.
My days lately have been insane. I don’t know how it happened. I tend to say yes to things not considering how it will shape my day, only knowing that I’m free at those hours and am excited for new opportunities. So I say yes and then find myself working 11 hour days. I wish I was exaggerating. Monday was 11 hours. Tomorrow is 10 and a half. Thursday is 9. And that’s not including the three papers due, four chapters to read, three hours of French exercises, French exam, and History midterm due by the end of Thursday, some of it due tomorrow, and at least one of the papers due tonight. The dread for all this is causing me to put it off. All I want to do is sleep and I can’t even do that. Include transitioning jobs and the first week of new yoga classes. I honestly don’t know how I’m not cross eyed. Honestly, I didn’t quite realize how much I had until I just wrote it out.
I got a new job and I’m slightly panicked about it because, well, it’s new and unfamiliar and that makes it scary. It’s hard to be the new person and to learn a skill from scratch. Also there’s a dress code I’m kind of not excited about but I get to buy new shoes because I only have black heels and I am not going to be wearing black heels everyday. There’s the silver lining. I can always find it, that silver lining. It makes me feel a little better about making choices that have hard consequences, like over scheduling myself and running myself ragged. Find that silver lining and it doesn’t seem too bad. Medicates the pain a bit.
Or distractions! They help too. Like, oh my goodness it feels like fall out! I’ve been guzzling down pumpkin spice like it’s a drug. The best drink so far is a pumpkin spice latte with chai and soy milk. Ditch the whip but steam the topping into the milk. Oh behave. And then we are going apple picking this weekend and what’s more fall than that? Nothing. Except pumpkin picking which I have scheduled for the first of October because I’m not crazy.
See, feel much better now right? I think that’s how I handle most of the hard stuff, I just look the other way. I find something shiny and pretty and focus on that while I’m going thru the motions of everything else. Too bad the paper due tonight isn’t about my inner most feelings with some deep confessions because I’d be killing it. On that note, I think I’ll get started. I found last week that I was able to focus on school after I worked on something creative. I already feel a bit more focused just free writing here. We’ll see how the imperial empires and their enemies compared to one another now.